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I’m not the one they think I am at home.

It’s 4:00 am, my phone alarm rings to the tune of  ‘The Greenback Boogie’ and reads, ‘Hustle Harder’, Harder because apparently hard isn’t hard enough. I put off the alarm, stepped out of my comfort zone and of course a ‘lack of sleep’ mode followed. Whilst half my brain is just trying to figure out what day of the week it is, and the other half pondering over the ‘to do’ list, I push off to make myself a cup of tea, which, by the way, is so consistent at tasting like shit.

I walked to my work desk and looked at the books that lay before me, ‘Strategic Financial Management’ & ‘Financial Reporting’ , something I didn’t understand a head nor tail of, something that didn’t interest me one bit. For a change, I pushed them aside, knowing I wouldn’t regret it at all. You know the sudden motivation that triggers into you when you take that first sip of tea, when you breathe that 4:00 am air, when the city is sleeping, when you look up at that sky full of stars? Well, for me, it was on a roll that day. I got a peaceful easy feeling and I knew that I wouldn’t let me down.The battle between me and me went on in my head, the mess that it already was, it only got worse. The good kind of worse. Am I even making sense? I am not so sure, but who cares, I wanted to try to change. They say the first step to success is to want to try. I’m on my way there. I’m up-to something. Step by Step.

Step 1: “Stop trying to create a new you around the same old people.”

Step 2: “Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not worth it.”

Step 3: “Worship Solitude.”

Life in itself is a ‘Do It Yourself’ project. Do your best, for yourself.
I’ll tell you something:

“You know what happens if you don’t water plants daily? They die.
You know what’s worse? To be the one holding the water can in your hand and watching them die and not being able to do anything about it.” she said.
“Some people have more than just one plant” came a reply.

See, it’s all about perspective.

But what if the plant that’s dying was the one that was going to bear the fruit you love the most. What if the other plants are going to grow a fruit you dislike? What if they aren’t going to grow fruits at all? What if? What if’s are dangerous.

It’s okay if nobody gets you. It’s okay to let others think of you as someone you’re not. For all you know it doesn’t matter.There won’t be a John Green or Bukowski coming to your help. You have to fall in love with your scars, you have to fix yourself. You’re all you have.

Hey there you little fighters, It’ll soon be brighter! ❤




I'm an ordinary girl with ordinary dreams to whom those small little things in life and love matter the most. I live everyday, learning what life wants to teach me. A lot of me you will like and even more you may dislike. Judge me by how much you know of me or get to know me a little more. I leave the option to you :)

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